Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
