K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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