I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
