The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just cropdusted the office
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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