You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I still have a little drunk in my system
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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