Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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