i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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