So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize