Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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