Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
