the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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