Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize