I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
