Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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