Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
