bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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