he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
