you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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