She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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