If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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