On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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