Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
