when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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