Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
