i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
