I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
