dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
