you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
