I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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