Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
