I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
