Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
