My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
