i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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