Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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