i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
