I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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