I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
