somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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