threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
