i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
