so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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