just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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