I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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