your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
