If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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