I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
