then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
