that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
