I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize