bring money and cleavage
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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