i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
