I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
