Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
