Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
