O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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