Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize