Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
