Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
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Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her