Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.

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(206): View more from Washington

genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(225): View more from Louisiana

He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...

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(512): View more from Texas

I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.

(1-512): View more from Texas

Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?

(512): View more from Texas

It was just one of those nights, man.

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(214): View more from Texas

Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.

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