Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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