Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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