things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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