We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
