I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You pole danced in your parka.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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