So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
