So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
