Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
