She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
