i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off