I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.