I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there