Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.