: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.