Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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