now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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