I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
