I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
