I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
