end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I deserve this hangover.
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