Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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